Mood States and Memory

One of the things that surprises me is how I can’t remember what it was like to be in the one I’m not in.

Ok, that sounds weird.

Right now, I’m not depressed. In fact, I suspect I’m running a bit manic, due to some impulsive issues I’ve had recently.

Right now, I feel a lot like I did in my 20s: confident, sure of myself, strong, happy most of the time, adventurous on occasion. I still have problems, but I’m pretty sure I can deal with them.

When I was depressed, I could remember that there was a time when I felt that way, in a vague sort of way. But I couldn’t remember how it FELT to be that way.

Now, I’m having trouble remembering what it was like to be so depressed. Why the hell couldn’t I get off my ass and get a job when I really needed one? Why couldn’t I study? Why did I waste so much time doing NOTHING, and so much money on stuff that didn’t do anything to help us?

I remember that I didn’t feel capable of doing anything, but I can’t remember how it feels to be that stuck.

And it’s not like there was some magical moment that turned everything around. It was small steps taken over months and years that pulled me back to . . . well, to ME. A lot of those steps are chronicled in another forum, but I don’t feel connected to all that floundering. I know it was me. And I remember taking the steps. But, again, I don’t remember what it felt like along the way.

This is very strange to me. It’s like I’m disconnected from my own feelings. My emotions are always in the moment. The rest of me isn’t, but my emotions are.

How can I help someone else who is in the (to borrow a word from Havi Brooks) stuckness if I can’t remember it?

Tagged with: , ,
Posted in Uncategorized
2 comments on “Mood States and Memory
  1. A thought for you:
    Most people can't remember feelings. If they could, women would never get pregnant a second time. 😉 But you might want to write yourself a letter, describing how you feel and how productive you are and how happy that makes you, so you can read it when you're not feeling that way. After all, you can easily tell anyone else that they don't know what it's like… but it's a lot harder to say that to yourself. 🙂
    Hugs!

  2. Ishtar says:

    Thanks! I may do that!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Just One Person's Opinion

Navigating the new political normal

Daily (w)rite

A DAILY RITUAL OF WRITING

Gotta Find a Home

Conversations with Street People

MR. HELLSTRØM

Rants and meanderings from a science fiction writer to his future fans, or anyone else who'll listen, for that matter.

The Vagabond Studio

Inspiring Peace, Love, and Creative Sustainability

maa organics

nature - nourish - nurture

Invincible Summer

writing from the center of self

Erica Staab

Seeing beauty in all things... living life as a prayer... creating a meaningful life...

Mathy McMatherson

Bloggy McBloggerson

Dee's Dialogue

nature - nourish - nurture

There She Woz

Writer, Mama, Lover of Green Olives and Toast

Reclaiming Sovereignty

Annie Dieu-Le-Veut

Sincerely, Diana

Busy Being Awesome

Wild Sister Magazine

Love Yourself, Follow Your Bliss, Change The World

Leonie Dawson | Shining Life + Biz

Finding my way in this crazy world

zen habits

Finding my way in this crazy world

%d bloggers like this: