So, I’m still talking to this ex, M, from when we were 18.

And I have no idea how I’m feeling about it.

It’s strange.

On the one hand, maybe I was a bit hasty in saying I’m completely over him.

No, I didn’t have the strong reaction that I had to the one in the spring, but as we’ve been talking, things have come up.

Something is there, though I don’t know how to define it.

We always had chemistry, explosive chemistry.

We didn’t always have good communication.

Once I got over being angry at rehashing the same old shit, we started talking about stuff we had NOT discussed before.

And I discovered that he did not have a critical piece of information about the beginning of our relationship.

I swear I told him this thing, more than once, at the beginning, but if he really didn’t know this, it puts some of his behavior in a different (better) light.

We started talking about meeting up “someday” in the amorphous future.

Which, as always with us, led to discussion of sex.

So now that’s in my head. And like I said, we always had chemistry, and that is still there. And now I can’t get it out of my head – an indication of my obsessive nature.

There are a million little reasons and a few big ones why rekindling a relationship with him would be a bad idea, and I’m self-aware enough to know it.

But I also know that we never gave each other a real chance – there was always something hanging over our heads. My issues, his issues, other relationships getting in the way. . .Always something. And we were 18/19/20 and had to make everything 10 times more dramatic than it needed to be.

I know that he’s showing more maturity and introspection than he has in the past. And I’m enjoying talking to him. And I’m looking forward to the possibility of seeing him next year.

I’m trying to not think beyond that (but my obsessive nature is making that difficult).