I have to admit, I kind of hate V-Day.
Most years I simply ignore that it exists, especially since C is past the age of handing out random cards to everyone in her class.
Most of my life, I’ve been alone in February. I had a boyfriend in HS for 2 years. I was with someone in 99 and got flowers delivered, which was nice.
I was with my ex-husband in 94, but I was half way across the world and my gifts/card came late – I don’t think he even mailed them until after the day. Things were pretty strained between us at the time. And he left me 4 months later, so, you know, not a great memory.
And for some reason, I’ve still been starting to get a little down. It could be that my mood state is shifting downward, because I don’t see much externally that should be causing it, other than the usual money stress (but that’s been constant for so long now, it’s normal).
I’m accomplishing more.
I’m establishing routines that are helping me.
I’m actually making lists of things that need to be done and taking steps to accomplish goals. And most days making progress on those lists (which is a HUGE thing for me).
I’m having great conversations every night with someone I care about.
I have fantastic friends.
My daughter is wonderfully amazing.
One of the things I found most powerful in it was an exercise that was surprisingly difficult to do. (She got this from Louise L. Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life).
Go, look yourself in the eye in a mirror, and say, “I love and accept you just the way you are.”
A lot of anxiety and some unidentifiable but powerful emotions came up for me when I did this. It was a little overwhelming.
Have you ever done that?
I mean, I’ve said those words or similar, and I’ve said them to other people, but not trying to hold my own gaze.
If you haven’t done it, try it. And yes, it feels a bit silly at first, but try to take it seriously.
And please share what happens for you.