I’ve started a million blog posts (well, half a dozen, anyway).
But I get them to about a hundred, two hundred words and I think, “This sounds so totally stupid, and what am I trying to accomplish with it?”
And I don’t know.
I wanted to write more posts for Mental Health Awareness Month. And I started a couple. Didn’t finish.
I did finally finish and submit TPA 3. Waiting to see if I passed. I should feel good about that but I don’t because I have one more to go and the amount of work to do on it is daunting. Makes me want to go take a nap.
I’m feeling a bit lost for a direction on this business.
The readings was a way to get started, start bringing in a little income while I worked on a couple of offerings. But every time I start to do something it feels stupid or like something someone else has already done/said.
I know that I do work in fits and starts, but lately the fits are less and less prominent.
This week, at least two days, I took “naps” in excess of 2 hours. Today, it was 4 hours. I mean, really, why does an unemployed person need a 4 hour nap?
I have a “to do” list a mile long. And here I sit, going through my little ritual of checking certain websites over and over and over again.
Yesterday, I had a bad day, similar to today, and I did some free readings trying to turn my energy around. It worked, yesterday, but I can’t do unlimited free readings every day, and I didn’t carry the good energy over to today.
I feel like I’m drowning, even though I have some good things happening.
Turning in TPA 3 .. . . I’ve been putting that off for almost a year and a half. I should feel something about it. Relief? Accomplishment? Something. I don’t feel anything, except fear over the next hurdle.
I’ve been super nervous about not having enough money for the second installment of the pet deposit, but I talked to my doctor, and I’m entitled to an emotional support animal for my disability. Once I get the letter from my doctor, I should be able to submit that, and maybe even get the installment I’ve paid back and stop the pet rent.
That’s a good thing. And I’m not happy, I’m just nervous about not getting the letter in time.
This seems like I’m whining, and I’m not meaning to, I do have some stuff going on and I’m doing ok, I’m making progress, I’m just feeling like I’m starting to sink again.
I have pulled out the Ganesh chant and a mini altar to help push through this time.