Disappointment

Last Friday was supposed to be the relaunch of Invincible Summer..

I was holding off posting for days, waiting to post a pointer to my first post there.
Unfortunately, Life happened to the owner of the blog and the relaunch was pushed back, first a few days, then maybe next month, and now. . . I don’t know. She says:

I suppose I just wanted to write a note telling you that I’m still here, but I’m not sure where I’m going. And this blog is still here, but I don’t know where it’s going.

I completely understand where she’s at. I completely understand that she bit off more than she can handle right now.

I’m certainly guilty of the same thing, fairly often.

But I can’t hide my disappointment.

I was looking forward to working on more creative stuff. I do better when I have a deadline than when I’m working for myself.

Her following is larger than mine, and so is her mailing list. I was looking forward to greater exposure.

Now, I have a lot going on, too.

And I could be doing other stuff to promote my blog (I want to submit a guest post to Wild Sister, for example).

I’m about half-done writing up a workbook I want to put up here.

I haven’t even asked people here to look at the Inspired To Do Lists that I made or put a link in my sidebar.

On my To Do list for two weeks has been to create a page of the places I’ve signed up for affiliates and clean up my sidebar. That won’t really take me that long, but I’ve avoided it.

I haven’t listened to several of the more recent talks from the SSSBR. I also need to create a video and write up a piece about what I’ve gotten out of it, and I’ve been putting that off.

I’m putting it out here for accountability. Kick me in the ass. 🙂

Self-Love: Compliments

Since we are rapidly coming up on what my daughter’s friends call Singles Awareness Day (because nothing makes you feel as acutely aware that you’re single than Valentine’s Day, you know?), I thought I’d do a short series on loving yourself.

My friend N often says, “The only proper response to a compliment is, ‘Thank you.'”

Think about the last time someone complimented you. How did you respond?

“You look nice today.”

Did you say, “Thank you“? or did you say, “Oh, no, I have this huge zit right here!” or “My hair wouldn’t do what I wanted it to” or “I hate this shirt” or “I feel fat today” or some other self-deprecating comment?

Do you know what you’re doing when you do that?

You are telling yourself that you don’t like yourself very much.

You know the affirmations we’ve talked about recently?

This would be the opposite of that.

Affirmations try to counter your negative self-talk, and not accepting compliments, in fact denying them, can undo all the work you’re trying to do with the affirmations.

Back in November, someone I know casually on another internet forum connected to me on Facebook. While we were having a conversation about how we knew each other, he said, “you were always the scary smart one.”

WTF?

“Scary smart”?

This guy is an attorney with a pretty impressive resume and rapier wit, so, you know, he’s not dumb himself.

And I know a couple of scary smart people like L, a math professor and researcher that excels at taking complex concepts and explaining them to the average person. Or S, the tax attorney that creates complicated spreadsheets to analyze test data or housing and investment trends for fun. 

I posted on my wall, well, here’s part of the conversation [I removed identifying stuff]:

Me: Someone just called me “scary smart”; I’m not sure I can live up to that.



Now, you expect your mother and sister to say complimentary stuff, but both T and G are themselves very smart, educated women whom I respect.

While I’ve been reexamining some of my inner work stuff lately, I realize that I totally do this. I mean, I deflect compliments.


M has said some very nice things about me lately, and my first, immediate emotional response is to deflect it, to deny it, to diminish it.


But by doing that, not only am I disrespecting myself, I’m disrespecting him and his opinions. 


And every time we deflect a compliment, we are saying to the person giving the compliment, “I don’t trust your judgment.”


So, from now on, when someone compliments you, how you look, how you dress, how smart you are, your parenting, your compassion, your kindness, your organizational skills, WHATEVER,  just say, “Thank you.”


And then stop for a moment and really think about what they said; take it in; LISTEN to it; repeat it to yourself; write it in your journal; do something that helps you remember it.


Because the old saw about loving yourself before you can love someone else? Totally true.


 But sometimes looking at ourselves through someone else’s eyes can help us get there.


Money Monday: Embarrassment

Well, my bank balances embarrass me this bright Monday morning.

I didn’t go totally crazy buying a ton of stuff I didn’t need, but I did make a few impulse purchases. Today, I need to buy oil for the truck, milk, and cereal. That should be all I need to spend for the next few days. I get paid tomorrow night, so it will be better by Wednesday.

Hmm, I’m experiencing a great deal of resistance at the idea of posting this. But I should, in the interest of honesty.

The Positives:
Bank Savings:                                          $25.01
Bank Checking:                                       $25.00
Credit Union Checking:                            $49.43
Credit Union Savings:                                $0.72
Black Belt* Savings:                               $601.27
Summer (7/2011) Buffer Club Savings:          $5.00
Summer (6/2011) Buffer Club Savings:        $10.00

The summer buffer for July was deposited into my acct a few days ago, and, yes, I needed it, a little too much. I was initially hoping to roll at least half of it over to next year, but I needed it. There were a couple of bills that I almost forgot to pay, which is embarrassing.

Am I not an adult? Can I not handle things like this? I need to improve my memory systems. And clamp down on my spending.

One mistake I made was doing the bulk of my grocery shopping this week at SaveMart instead of Food Source. When I do that, I spend about $20-30 more, and I know it. I should be able to make sure I do that.