This is sort of a continuation of my last post.
Family at its best can be supportive, encouraging, and wonderful.
Unfortunately, many of us have family members that do not meet that ideal.
I had a fight with my sister through facebook the other day. I had intended to write a blog post that day, but the fight had me so upset, I was afraid to write.
I don’t want to write a ton of bad stuff about my family, because, after all, they made me who I am.
My sister means well, and I know it.
Thing is, she remembers things very differently from how I remember them. I don’t think either one of our recollections is more valid than the other, they are just different. But it’s hard for me to reconcile her visions with my memory.
She also seems to have an overly-optimistic view of Family in general, and ours in particular.
But, the bottom line for me is that I have to make decisions about what is best for my daughter. I don’t really want to explain this here further, but, I’ve made a decision that my family is not going to be happy about. And I have to learn to stand my ground.
Some people who only know me casually think that I’m really strong. My family thinks that I’m a selfish bitch. Neither is really true, from my own point of view.
I’ve done things I’ve had to do to resurrect my life after screwing it up completely. That doesn’t seem particularly strong to me.
I feel that I’ve had to distance myself from my family in order to maintain some sense of self, some personal sovereignty. I don’t think that makes me a bitch.
What I am is someone trying to navigate my way through life, while raising my daughter to not be as frightened of others as I am. I suppose that means I have moments of strength, and moments of bitchiness to balance out my moments of losing myself and allowing myself to be bullied.